Varmint
by Century 20
Summary: Taz's girlfriend has been seized by the clutches of the evil Yosemite Sam! Can he get back home and save the she-devil in time? Based on the 2002 computer game Taz: Wanted. Rated K  for cartoon violence and general silliness.


I decided my second fic (Looney Tunes again, funny that) was going to be the story of the 2002 computer game _Taz: Wanted_. If you haven't played this or are playing this game, only read up to the level you've just finished, or else _Varmint_ will ruin it all for you! Each chapter is devoted to a specific level of the game - Zooney Tunes, Looney Lagoon, Ice Burg etcetera and is labeled as such, so you have no excuse for not knowing.

If you HAVE played this and finished this (as I have many times), don't flame me saying "you forgot this" or "that never happened". Be quiet, this is a fic after all.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Looney Tunes, _Taz: Wanted _or any of the characters involved.**

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**VARMINT**

I bounded through the flowers in front of myself with ease. Towards me came a beautiful creature with soft, red lips and an enormous bow in her hair. On her wrist hung three golden bangles, and her incredible frame was supported by subtle pink high-heeled shoes. Wow. We came together and embraced. So, this was love? I could get used to this! I quickly ran off, much to her surprise, but this soon turned to joy when I returned with the biggest, most beautiful flower she had ever seen.

We made their way to the cliff, and I hoisted her high as the Tasmanian sun slowly set, casting beautiful yellows and oranges in the deepening sky. We gazed into each other's eyes, it seemed like this love would go forever.

I rattled the bars in sheer frustration. Not twenty metres away a truck was parked at the entrance and the love of my life was in the back of it, gripping the bars of her cage. I heard maniacal laughter and turned quickly. Standing there was a short red-haired man with a large cowboy hat saying something into a camera. Who was this man, and what was he doing here? Was he the man who imprisoned me? One thing was for certain, I shouldn't have been here and my girlfriend shouldn't been there and I was going to get to her _right now_. And so I responded in the only way I knew how - I started to rant. I leapt up and down on the spot, spitting and screaming, _hoping_ it was adequate enough to do something, anything, to get her back to me!

The man shot me a menacing glare, but continued. The ranting wasn't working, so I decided to spin. The cage started to revolve, and it quickly started gaining momentum. The man looked over to see what the big deal was and leapt back into the cameraman in horror. My cage was _levitating!_ The padlock on the door rose as the cage's speed increased. The thing kept rising, and all the man could do was watch in amazement. As soon as I knew I'd spun the cage enough, I stopped, and the cage plummeted to the ground with a tremendous crash, sending the bars falling to the ground like a banana skin. I thought what to do for a second, but decided I'd go and take her back, so I proceeded to push the door open and stepped out…straight onto an explosive. I was thrown around the enclosure, landing on three (or was it four?) landmines and finally landed on the barbed wire fence in a _very_ delicate place. The PAIN! I shot thirty feet into the air, screaming in pain, and landed in the moat. Who puts a _moat_ around a Tasmanian devil, I mean honestly? Battered, sore and sopping wet, I found my way to the surface and hauled myself out and fell flat on the ground. I was free!

The man turned pale. "Uh-oh, looks like he's flown the coop! Get those posters up NOW! NOBODY escapes from Yosemite Sam!" he yelled. Sam yelled at the truck driver "Get that she-devil out the back, looks like this one's blown a gasket!"

And as the truck roared out the gates to the zoo, Sam followed it, shutting the gates with a menacing grin as he laughed: "See ya round, furball!"

I had broken out of my enclosure, but my girlfriend was gone, and now I was going to have to rescue her.


End file.
